HOW TO BECOME A SUPER HERO!

Are you tired of the same boring life style you live in?

Do you want more to life then just being a regular dweeb?

Do you want to stand up for what's right and look super epic in the process?

Then you will now receive step by step instructions on:

HOW TO BECOME A SUPER HERO!

Step #1:  Back Story.  

Every super hero starts with a back round story.  Even if it isn't true.  You never want to be caught in a situation where someone asks, "How did it all start?"  And you say, "Well, first I was born..."  Humiliating.  So here's how to develop a back story.  

Your parents must be dead!!!!!!  They either got shot in an ally way, or left you to your aunt before they died, or your just plain orphaned.

You're filthy rich.  This works great because if your born rich, then bad guys want to be after your money, and you have the money to buy cool equipment.

You're poor.  And a dweeb that nobody likes.  Just as a good as being rich, and maybe even better.  Because when you go straight from 'Nobody' to 'Super Ninja Guy,' you gain amazing self confidence which is useful for defeating the force evil.

Step #2:  How To Start.

There are many ways to become a super hero, and the nice thing is, sometimes it doesn't even require work!

The accidental method:  It's easy.  All you have to do is get into some kind of accident that enables you to develop super powers.  This usually involves lightning, weird chemicals, or being shipped to earth.  Or all of them.

The science method.  If you don't feel like getting hurt in the super hero development process, just make yourself a super hero.  Make some bubbly liquid that makes you fly, or a super strong bullet proof suit.  And if your too lazy to make something, your dead father probably left something behind that you can use.  No sweat.  

Step #3  Get a Date.

You can't be a super hero without a date, lets face it.  And you don't necessarily have to date the person, you just have to have a romantically attractive trouble maker.

How to find a girl friend:  Men, you have the hardest part.  Super hero girl friends are very specific.  The right girl is the kind that thinks she's tough, but is actually very squeamish.  (You can test this by dropping her off a building).  And she'll probably dump you several times just because you were late for something.

How to find a boy friend:  Easy.  Just date Green Arrow.

Step #4  How to Stay Undercover and Still Have a Life.

It's tough to do, but it can be done.

Have a super hero suit that hides your identity, or looks so cool that nobody thinks twice.  As long as you wear spandex or anything to show off your rippling abs, you can wear just about anything.  A hood.  A mask.  A curl.  And be sure when ever you're not suited for action, that you wear glasses.  And if your eye sight is already bad, just remember that crashing into buildings is something all superheros do.

Wear the suit under your suit.  That's why it has to be spandex.

Get a boring job.  Work at a news paper company.  That'll make people think your a boring person, and not an ab rippling super hero.

Just try your best.  Your girl friend is gonna figure out your secret identity any way.

I hope these instructions have inspired you and will help you along in the path you have chosen!  Feel free to hang this up on your shower and re-read it when ever you can.