The Actor's Confession

To my dear Buddies, Pals, Dudes, Bros, Hobbits, Brandybucks and Tooks,
(Before I begin, I'd like to give a sincere apology to JRR Tolkien for putting shame to the spelling of his fictional character's names.  I just couldn't help it).
Here's my real confession.
I'm so stuck up.
I'm like Carson Clay from Mr. Bean's Holiday.

Or Hank.

(Cheaper by the Dozen)
I'm an actress.  I've only been in small plays, but I take every play I'm in very seriously.  Almost too seriously.  I like the relationships built from drama, and with every play I've made many friends and grown closer to friends, because that's the magic of drama.
But here it is, and my acting buddies aren't going to like hearing this.  I'm the most judgmental person you'll ever meet.  You've heard me go on about movies I don't like, and OH the horrors my friends have gone through, suffering my endless rants!
I judge people.  Especially when it comes to acting, and it's not the kind of judging that makes a person learn from others mistakes, its the judging where I think, "Zeesh!  I can do waaaaaay better at that part then they can."
Sometimes my mind runs on jealousy juice (Oooh, jealousy juice....That should be a thing.)  And I think less about one's acting, and more about my self.  How unfair it is that I didn't get the part, how my audition was better then theirs, etc.
Then I start beating my self.  I didn't get the part because I'm too ugly, I'm too short, I'm too crazy for a main role, nobody likes me, etc.
But I've never regretted any of my parts in the end.  I always end up with the perfect character, because that's the one God wanted me in.  I'm serious, I invite God to all of auditions and tell him he can put me in any role he wants.  But he doesn't always cast me as the part I'd be perfect for, because as judgmental as I am, I often choose wrong.  So I get the part I didn't want, I fall into depression mode and drink too much coffee and write poems on the unfairness of life.
The thought of upcoming auditions makes me over ecstatic, and over depressed.
I finally found how to summarize my problem in a sentence my brain is capable of comprehending;
I think that I'm too good of an actress not to get what I want.
If I'm gonna be acting for the rest of my life, this way of thinking needs to stop.
I'm sorry, especially to my drama buddies, and to God who always directing me to the right role.