There are Two Sides to This

I still remember this happening to me several times when I was little, kind of like when you have a dream and think, "I've had this dream several times before."
What would happen is I would black out, freeze, I would forget who I was and what life was.  It was as if time it self stopped.  I really don't how long these episodes would last, maybe a few seconds.  I sweat now just thinking about them.  All I would see is layers and layers of black.  I would try my hardest to remember who I was, what I was, where I was, but I couldn't.  I tried to remember was life was, what my regular thought pattern was, what I should be thinking, but I couldn't remember.  Sometimes it would be so intense I wouldn't even remember I had a family.  It was like spinning in black space.
And I would wake up, and everything would be back to normal.  And I would continue about my day, like one would after a silly dream.  Wouldn't even remember it.  Didn't tell anyone about it.  Couldn't tell anyone about it.  I mean, how could I?
Three year old comes up to you and says, "I just took a four second trip outside of reality"
It doesn't work.

And it happened to me again last night.
And now I might be able to express myself.
Only right after I had the black out, my heart started to pulsate.  I don't know why.  Without words, something told me;
I'm gonna die tonight.
Spoiler alert; I didn't die last night.  There was no logical reason that even came to mind.
Then why was I seeing death?  Everywhere? My life didn't flash before my eyes, death flashed before my eyes.
This is stupid, I thought.  And even if I was randomly going to die, what would it matter?  I would go heaven, be with God.  I've said so many times before in my life:  I'm not afraid of death.
Then the feeling drew in deeper and deeper, and it became so intense I had chills and nausea.  I sat up in bed and turned my light and tried to think.  I felt like I was going to vomit.  I wanted to cry and run to my Mom's room like I would when I was three.
I lied to you.  I'm not brave.  I don't trust God.  And I'm afraid of death.

God speaks to me through writing.  I wrote for hours last night.

See, death is everywhere.  We're all gonna die.  We all push it away.  Death is our curse.
But God broke death.  Death isn't the ending point, death is the starting point.  Death is when you flip the page, and turn to chapter 1.
Ever seen the movie Inception?  What if I told you that this world isn't real?  Well, as far as I know I'm pretty sure this world is at least kinda real.  But this is just the prologue.  This isn't the real story.  We look around us and think, "Yes.  This is reality." But what if it's just a blurry picture of real reality?

I have a funny little picture in my head of heaven.  It's puffy and white, with a big throne and a golden gate and some opera singers in the back round.
And I have a picture of what I think is reality.  And that's with my family, with my friends, at my homes, with my pets and my coffee, where I feel loved, where I'm comfortable.
I like my picture of reality much better then my picture of heaven.  I see my world as real, and I see heaven as a dream.
I switch them.
And suddenly it makes sense.
I don't want to leave my family.  I'm not leaving my family.  Don't you see?  I can't leave them.  The feeling of family, of comfort, of home, THAT'S WHO GOD IS!!!! 
That's what eternal life is!
That's what heaven is!
We have such a faded, blurry, confusing image of family and comfort and love here on earth.  We don't leave that behind  when we go to heaven.  We don't leave anything behind when we go to heaven except sin.  When we go to heaven, that's where we'll find it!!!
God is all perfect love.  The basis of morality.  God is family.  God is home.  God is everything we need and all we need and too great and beyond the scope of our plastic little minds to understand.  There is no way I can even begin to explain this to you.  My mind can't grasp it.  If God could be explained in text, he would small and pathetic.

But right now, we're on earth.  My sister told me a quote from some joe I've never met and can't recall the name of.  But he said, "Live how you want to die."
That's the more brutal version of the quote you hear all the time; "Live your life to the fullest."

I'm gonna die.  We're all gonna die.  Probably sometime soon.  But death doesn't have anything to do with it.  Really, there are only two sides to this.
This side, and that side.
This isn't chapter one.  This is the prologue.  I need to be ready for chapter one.

(Jeremy Camp: There Will be a Day, and NF: Oh Lord)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPKyTY71iRM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0NOxf4uaZI

Speech! Speech!

Me:  Hello self.  I'm just here to wish you a happy sweet 16th.  May all your wishes come true, and remember to always be you!💓 

Self:  Aw, how cute!  It even rimes!  That almost made me regurgitate.  

Me:  You're welcome.  It came from the heart.

Self:  Of course.  

Me:  I also brought you a cake.

Self:  Wow.  Thanks, Me.  You're just on a roll today.

Me:  Aren't I?  First I would like to thank everyone for coming.  *Caps and cheers*  Yes, yes, thank you, thank you.  So Self, may I first take a moment to say a few words?

Self:  *Sits  back in chair with coffee* Alright, Me.  Take it away.  I'm all ears.

Me:  What.  The.  Blaze.  

*Standing ovation, chaps and cheers, the crowed goes wild.  Audience is sniffling, wiping tears, and throwing flowers*

Self:  Wait, that your speech?

Me:  I just said I wanted to say a few words.

Self:  That was my birthday speech ?  

Me: ....Yes.

Self: And now this will go down in history as the words dedicated to me on my sweet 16th birthday party?

Me:  Well, frankly, they were the only words I could possibly come up with. You must understand that I dedicated this a lot of contemplation.

Self:  Well why are you throwing me a birthday party any way?  This doesn't make any sense.  Not only is it not my birthday today, but even if it were my birthday it would be your birthday too!

Me:  Well obviously!

Self:  Then WHAT THE BLAZE ARE WE DOING HERE?!?

Me:  Ah, now you understand my speech!

Self:  I didn't say I understood your speech. I said 'what the blaze.'

Me:  My thoughts exactly.

Self:  ...Ooooh, okay.  Well then, Me.  Because you have so thoughtlessly decided to through me a birthday party, it seems only suitable that I return the favor.  Happy Birthday Me!!

Me:  *GASP*  For Me???  Oh Self, you shouldn't have!

Self:  I know.  Today is that special day.  That day where the whole family gathers around you and your wax infested cake and sing 'the agony quartet'.  Then Calvin blows out your candles first, along with a shower of excess saliva.  When was the last time we blew out our own birthday candles?

Me:  Hm.  I don't remember.  Do I get...A Cake or a present something?

Self:  Why do they call it Sweet 16?  

Me:...Well I'm not entirely aware of the relevance of this question, but I think we can conclude that the title's purpose was invented to stamp some kind of significance involved with the age.

Self:  Why?  What's so significant about being 16?

Me:  Well, I believe once you turn 16, that means you've survived long enough to figure out how to not be overly stupid.  It's like a life test.  If you live long enough to make 16, then you're rewarded.  Like, for some pools, this means that you can now get in the hot tub without parental supervision.  The accomplishments and opportunities are limitless!

Self:...Wow.  Well then.  Congratulations, Me.  Definition of Sweet 16: Congratulations.  You're not dead.  You old enough to drown in the hot tub if you want.

Me: *Puts hand to heart* Aw, my little Self is growing up!  *Crowd wipes tears*

Self:  And what about dudes?

Me:  What about dudes?  Don't say you're looking of a boy friend!  You're not THAT limitless!

Self:  What?  No.  If I were looking for a boy friend, I would have made an advertisement for one already and posted it on this blog.  Haha!  that would be crazy.  *Crowd laughs*  No, I mean, you don't say 'Happy Sweet 16' to a dude, because that just sounds sissy.  (Unless you're a mother or something).  So what do guys get?

Me:  Uuuhh.......Happy Sweat 16?

Self:  *Takes a moment to ponder* Hmm...Alright.  Fare enough.

Me:  Well, what are some of our accomplishments?

Self:  Pardon? 

Me:  We've lived this long, we should have some accomplishments and bragging rights, yes?

Self:  Oh yes!  Of course.  *COUGH* *COUGH* Well.  To begin with, I can perform a flawless old man getting punched impression.  *Caps and cheers* I've been found in the men's room with very sad consequences three times.

Me:  Ah yes, not a lot of people can say that, indeed.  And I managed to get lost.  In the smallest town in the world.  That you've been through a billion times.  That was quite an accomplishment.

Self:  I've accomplished the three person shoulder angle.  Although that wasn't really me...And I forgot how we got down from that...

Me:  I've fallen through the ice once.  And been in my first car accident.  I killed all my friend's pet fish once when I was taking care of them...

Self:  I jumped over a balcony and landed on my face.  With the rest of me thrown over my face in a very killer position.

Me: Wow.  We have a lot of bragging rights.  I'm afraid to continue, our audience might get jealous.

Self::  Ah, but we've never fainted.

Me:  Dang it, you had to remind me!  The one new years goal I have yet to accomplish.

Self:  Man, this whole sweet 16 thing is really making me feel good, you know?  So old.  Mature.  Accomplished.  So many lovely opportunities.

Me:  Like the hot tub privileged?

Self:....Yup.  Were there any others?...

Me: ...

Self:  ...

Me:  Well, good talk. 

Self::  Thanks for the party, Me.  Maybe we could do this again on my actual birthday.

Next up on Critical Me: The Lego Batman Movie, and Arrival

The Lego Batman Movie 

Well, I mean, it was extremely funny although you were probably already expecting that.  If you thought the Lego Movie was funny or share a deep appreciation for dumb little boy humor, you will laugh during this movie.  And if you did not think that the Lego Movie was funny and don't share a deep appreciation for dumb little boy humor, you will laugh during this movie.

The Lego Batman is about Batman's basic life style (in a spoof-y honest way) but mostly focused on the character, his loneliness, deep dark secrets, and being faced by his greatest fear; relationships.

Plot was...Honestly I don't even remember the plot.  I'm not sure there was a plot.  That also means I didn't find anything wrong with it.  But it was entertaining and exciting (and hysterical) and very emotional.  For me any way, I rate emotion and humor and entertainment above plot.  This movie was almost completely built on those things.

Characters were fantastic.  Well developed.  Lovable.  Only character I didn't adore as much was the female character, whom I felt was too much like Wild Style from the Lego Movie, which weakened her character development and made her less special.  But she was necessary and funny.  Tolerable I suppose.

Only other thing I don't think I liked was perhaps a repeat or two of the same joke. 

I'm giving a special round of applause to Robin.

And not only was this movie exhausting in humor, it was also heart wrenching-ly emotional.

Warning!  Expect some tears.  And don't drink soda while you watch this.  You never know something will sneak up on you, and if you're taking a drink at the same time, the results could be hurtful.

On a scale from 1 to 10, I would the Lego Batman a 9

Arrival 

Emotional.  Silent.  Although it was about Aliens, it wasn't so much action as it was gripping, clever, and incredibly well developed in plot.

In Arrival, alien ships land on earth in very random locations, and interpreters work with the government to go into one of the ships and try to communicate with the aliens.
Although the main idea sounds simple enough, the details of the plot were incredibly thought through and mind blowing.  I wouldn't be able to summarize it for you.
Acting was good.  I thought they had a very interesting line up of actors that I would have never thought of for the roles, but did well and made the movie even more unique.  Seriously, who would have thought Giselle and Hawkeye?
Very emotional.  Had a great plot twist.  Had an ending I might compare to Inception if you have ever seen that.  Twas quite sobering.
There's actually not much more to say.
On a scale from one to ten, I would give Arrival a 9