I'm a friendiologist, which means I take deep interest in the study of socializing and friend making. Because I'm really bad at it.
So I need your help.
I made a long post recently about how to make friends and break out of your comfort zone and stuff. I hope some of that was helpful, but now I need someone else's help.
Here's the question:
What do you do when your friend or acquaintance get's hurt? The kind of hurt where they start crying?The natural reaction that I've often times seen is where all the people gather around the wounded/sad person, ask if they're alright, and give a pat on the shoulder or a hug, that sort of thing. Sad Person (usually) says, their fine, and insists that the situation is not a big deal.
Then there's that awkward pause.
Always the pause.
As the crying person, I really hate that pause. I don't like awkward pauses on my account, but when ever I try to make the situation 'not a big deal', a lot of people still don't talk, or don't believe that they should continue having fun, because I'm not having fun, or something. I'm really confused.
So how do I make my hurt/crying moments less dramatic?
How can I still let off steam without the fear that I'm going to ruin every one's fun time?How do you normal people do it?
Here's my bigger question.
How do I be the comforter? The one that asks if Sad Person is alright?
I base my reaction to Sad Person based on my reaction as the Sad Person. Which hasn't been working too well. I make the situation seem like 'no big deal' and become the-bad-guy-who-doesn't-care, or I stand in the sorrow circle and become another awkward comforter, or I walk away and do something else which makes me seem like a heartless geezer.
So what do I do?
Any body have a lot of experience with these situations?
Any advice?
Suggestions?
Your Local Friendiologist:
Dr. Elemis Pott
Ask questions--first one being whether or not they want to talk about it. Show you're concerned. Is it wrong to want to wait to have fun until this conflict is resolved? Fun should put on hold at least until you know whether they want to talk about it and to whom.
ReplyDeleteI would say that you adapt the situation to the person and the situation. For example, If your friend got hurt while the two of you were alone together or if your friend got hurt in a big group of other friends you would act differently. Or if you know that a particular friend doesn't like being the center of attention, you may sit next to them and shoo the crowds away. There isn't really any "right" way to do this. So my advice to you is this...
ReplyDelete1. "Treat others the way you want to be treated." It sounds like that this is how you handle these kinds of situations already and I would say this is a generally a good reaction to have. However, if you know your friend well enough and know that you can help them in a different way, that might be the best thing to do. (Also if you're the only one who knows what your friend wants shouldn't you try to help them?)
2. Be aware that no one really "knows" how to act in those kinds of situations either. If you think you "know" what to do and just take charge, others typically follow.
3. Don't sweat it! It happens and it's awkward. It is also going to happen when you swoop to your friends side and they don't need rescuing at all or you make it a "thousand" times worse. It happens and at least you tried to help. I think that at the end of one of these situations, the best things you could have done is showed your friend that you cared.
(Any thoughts on this? Some times advice sounds better in my head.)